As I get older...

I made this the other night at like 1am when I couldn't sleep but just wanted something to do! Please excuse my poor cropping/editing skills btw. I have been in a very reflective frame of mind the past few days, thinking about how I have changed throughout my 20's. When I was 19, just before I met Michael I wasn't really in a good place. I used fake confidence and was perhaps slightly egotistical to cover the fact that I was just so insecure in myself. I certainly never thought I could maintain a proper relationship with a man, something I had yearned for, for so many years. The only man in my life up until the age of 18 was my Grandad and I always carried a heavy load of dis-trust towards the opposite sex. I am so glad that I allowed myself to just be 'me' with a man . That is something that is so hard to do but also something you inevitably HAVE to do if you are in it for the 'long haul' with someone. You can't carry that baggage forever and it's a true test in a relationship when you are able to reveal everything about yourself and still be accepted and loved.

My depression and anxiety hit me really hard between the ages of 20-23. I regretted chosing journalism as my degree because I knew that I only picked it because I love to write. I really never wanted to be the 'grabbing the headlines no matter what it takes' type of person. I always felt like I was far too shy and inward to be a journalist. I am glad I kept going though and despite my heart not being in it, I still worked hard. I spent months and months writing my dissertation on celebrity fan culture (something I have a lot of experience with!) and was over the moon when I got a 1st. That was the piece of recognition I needed that my 3 years at university were really worth it.

Between 24-25 after graduating from university, I really was in a state of uncertainty regarding my career. I made some wrong choices but I really feel that now at 26, I have begun making the right ones and I am really happy in my career. Will I do this forever? I don't know but I am still learning every day and I never get bored so that must be a good thing right?

I am never one for 'resolutions' towards the end of the year but recently I have been starting to think about what I would like to have achieved by this time next year, when I am 27 and getting even closer to 30! I would love to be able to say I won't get depressed but that is unrealistic. Anyway, here are some of my goals for next year:

Continue to study at home and learn something new
 
Don't let me anxiety take over me and keep moving forward
 
Keep the right people in my life and move on from the wrong ones
 
Learn from any mistakes I make at work

Keep trying to learn how to cook/bake

Try to keep healthy, take vitamins, eat new foods

Accept I will have sad days and look forward to the happy ones

I have said it before but I really feel like 26 will be my best year yet :) I have a lot to look forward to over the coming months and I am loving life more than ever before. Just because you suffer from depression doesn't mean you can't still live a great life full of hopes and dreams :)

xoxo