Cheryl...reflects on life

Today is one of those days

I just feel so unmotivated and low.

All day I have had to paint on a smile when all I wanted to do was cry.

What is wrong with me? Is it just the heat?

Who knows, maybe I am just over-tired and with work being so busy I just feel like curling into a ball for a while.

As soon as I got home I let it out and after reassurance from my mum and lovely snuggles from Michael I felt a bit better.

I know I should be happy right now-I have a new job which is something I have been aiming for, for so long.

But I guess depression works in mysterious ways. It likes to hit you between the eyes when you're feeling strong.

Maybe it's change?

I don't think my depression and anxiety like change very much, it allows it to breed.

But I WANT change and the only way I can deal with it is just to 'get on with it'.

I said I didn't like that phrase when it's used regarding depression but sometimes I guess it is relevant. I have to keep moving on

because ultimately it will be good for me.

My mind is a constant balance between the rational and irrational and sadly the latter normally wins.

What gets me through these days is the fact that they don't

occur ALL the time, they are getting less frequent and

I have more good days than bad. I am grateful for that.

I am so thankful for my holiday soon, it is much needed and I cannot wait to just sit on the beach without a care for the week.

I must must not let this feeling overcome me.

Sure, I can let it out but that will be that, if I let it linger then I am letting it win. However if I let it pass and focus on what is really positive then it's ME who is winning.

xoxo