So I haven't sat down and done a deep and meaningful blog post for quite some time, which isn't like me! I like to use my blog as an outlet for my feelings-I always find that I can express them through writing much easier than I can through speaking about them. I can honestly say right now I am feeling pretty content and I had a very lovely Christmas and New Year where everything went smoothly. I have suffered from a few health problems of late-both mentally and physically. Of course physical pains are much easier to banish than those which lurk inside your mind. I have been referred to a physiotherapist for my pains in my side/back/shoulder-pretty much diagnosed as a trapped nerve but it just won't budge and it's been a good month or two now. It's an extrememly long waiting list so in the meantime, I am using a hot water bottle as I want to try and wean myself off using so many painkillers this year. I am no where close to being addicted but where as before, if I had a slight niggle or pain, I wouldn't think twice about popping some ibrofen or paracetomal and when I look back about how consistently over years, I was taking A LOT each week and mostly unnecessary, I decided to try and cut down. Don't get me wrong, I will take them when I have an awful headache but I want to try other things first.
'Mentally' I am doing pretty good although I have had a little blip in the depression department. I wouldn't even say I was depressed, I think unmotivated and stressed is probably a better description. I won't go into much detail here but there are few things that have made me feel this way and led me to cutting down my hours to part time at work, just for the meantime. I am in a place and time where I really do need my stress kept to the minimum and I think this helps me, particularly as I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I know pretty much everyone feels this and yes, getting up early sucks but the feeling I have felt goes much deeper than that and is something I am trying to tackle. I have also been referred to a counsellor to help me through which is fantastic because for me, I feel like I am taking steps to making myself feel better. I need to be in a better place because 2013 is a big year for me.
I have always been the type of person to be open and honest if I am depressed and I am not in any way ashamed to be feeling this way because I never wallow...I always try and do something about it. I am hoping with my free time in the afternoons, I can get more time to relax at home, get working on my book again and generally have some me time so I feel in a better place. I would like to do another home course if I can afford it-I shall have to see.
I have been trying to surround myself with as many positive events as possible and making sure I have a lot to look forward to-this to me is a coping mechanism. I always need to have something planned and I love being organised. I have a lot of fun things coming up in the next few months and that is keeping me smiling. I also want to get back into wedding researching because not only is it fun but we also want to try and save as much money as possible! We still hope to get married in 2014 but we do not know where life will take us in the next year or so, so we're not setting a date yet. We're visiting our favourite wedding destination of Arundel on the 16th March and we're visiting a wedding open day there so that we can get some idea of prices etc. Thankfully it is informal because at this stage, we just want ideas and want to take our time wedding planning. I have resisted looking at dresses for a few months now-although from time to time I see something in a magazine and it becomes my 'new favourite dress'. I have quite a few now!
So for the time being, I am doing pretty good and 2013 (granted it's only 3 days in!) is going well and I hope to continue to make myself a stronger person. As I said before I don't have any resolutions for this year but I do have some goals...
- To continue to help myself by taking control of my anxiety and depression
- To continue to save money for the future and to spend less on clothes
- To try and eat a little healthier
- To try and be more confident and not let people intimidate me
- To try and spend more time with friends
- To keep taking vitamins and try to walk more
- To visit more places with Michael
- To give things a go and not give up so easily
So, here is to a happy 2013 where I take control, I have a great feeling things will work out well...
xoxo
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