Cheryl and the black cloud...

It is safe to say it is one of those days today. I woke up this morning with that feeling I hate and a voice inside my head saying, "I don't want to face the world today, I just want to sleep" and it took everything in my power to fight past it and just get up. Those are moments I just hate and I feel so lonely. What makes me angry at myself is that I have 2 people right at home who would do anything for me and support me no matter what, yet I still feel like this. What is wrong with me? I guess I just want someone to notice I am not ok because I always notice others.

Maybe I chose the wrong route in my attempt to help myself-I chose not to take medication and I have also chosen not to seek the help of counsellors anymore. I simply fight it on my own and I know there are millions of people out there doing the same thing. It is not easy for anyone suffering from a mental illness-I often have to force myself to find ways to cope and whilst focusing on the positives in life is common advice, it is easier said than done. However it is something I must make myself do to allow myself to keep going forward and become a stronger person. 

I have considering recently about going back to something called CBT, which is cognitive behavioural therapy. A common technique for depression and anxiety sufferers, it allows you to question your thinking and try to alter how you react to things. It is meant to be a 'talking therapy' but it can be done at home. I bought a book a while back called 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies' which is basically a do it yourself at home book. I haven't barely looked it since I bought it 4 years ago and I feel like now may be the time to try it again. Everything is worth a go right? I have also compiled a few things that may help me feel a bit better and I am hoping to be able to stick to them over the coming weeks...

Spend less time on social networking sites-they are often more trouble than they are worth

Do not eat just because you feel depressed, in the end it will make you feel worse

Focus more on a favourite hobby, for example writing, and keep at it for as long as possible

Focus on the ones who are there now and who care for you

Realise I may not be able to remove all my problems but I can manage them in a more positive way

Don't take everything so personally

Continue to keep a worry diary if something comes up which is troubling

Keep organising fun things to do but don't go overboard

This blog I guess is my way of coping sometimes, by writing about how I feel and I know that there are others who feel the same so in a sense that makes me feel a lot less alone. I know that I will have a better day soon, I just have to keep that in my mind and remember that there are people who care  xoxo