'Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day'

Unfortunately, bereavement is such a taboo subject, still in today's society, and something which isn't really talked about much-especially regarding children and young people. Bereavement can effect anybody, from the young to the old and I know from my own experience that without help and support it is impossible to cope with. It truely feels like a tidal wave which drowns every part of you. People deal with grief and bereavement in different ways and I don't think anyone has the right to say that someone who perhaps doesn't appear to be grieving on the outside, isn't hurting on the inside. Likewise, those who deal openly with grief shouldn't be judged either.

I first truely felt bereavement at the age of 13. Something I couldn't and still can't come to terms with is, is how someone can be there one minute and just gone the next. I have made sure since that day that I have treasured every moment with my loved ones, created memories and made sure that every day is valued. Losing my grandparents, I suffered in a way where I became a recluse-I took a lot of my grief out on myself. In the sense that I just didn't want to open up, I felt like my body and my mind were giving up and I didn't see the point in anything-school, hobbies, looking after myself. I didn't care about anything other than me and my mum being safe. I remember a time when I visited my doctor and finally opened up to him about how I couldn't cope. This was me as a 14 or 15 year old saying that I hated life and I couldn't cope with my grief. I was told that I needed to 'get over it' which is a phrase that angers me greatly whenever it is used.

Losing someone you love is something you will never get 'over' but it is something that you learn to live with, even if it doesn't come easy. Even almost 12 years on, I still find it hard talking out loud about my grandparents and I still cry if I ever think deeply about them or I hear a song that reminds me of them. Grieving after such a long time isn't a weakness and you should never be made to feel like it is. It only becomes debilitating when you don't allow yourself to live the life that you deserve. I didn't allow myself to do that for such a long time, it is only recently in the past 5 or 6 years that I have been able to cope with my grief and to laugh and be happy.

Something I am passionate about is getting more help out there for children and teenagers who are suffering from bereavement. I know that when I was young I would have to loved to have known that there was a service or a place I could go to talk to other people my age who had suffered a loss and could understand. Of course, counsellors can listen and be kind but being able to share and talk with someone who totally relates to your pain can lift a great weight off your shoulders. I was lucky that I have my mum to turn to but I often think that if I didn't have her, what would I have done? 

One of the hardest things about bereavement, I feel, is seeing how the world just 'goes on' despite the fact there is someone who has left the world that means so much to you. It made me angry to think, why is everyone just going on with their business? Don't they care? Also, when grieving, the massive sense of guilt that you feel can be so overwhealming. Why didn't I do more? Why didn't I say I love you more often? So many questions which ultimately and painfully, cannot be answered. The only way to cope is to hold on to someone you love and trust and keep moving forward day by day. Something I have come to learn is that living your life is not betraying the people that have left you. In fact, I often feel like I am doing it FOR them, I am experiencing things that they would have WANTED me to and in a sense, as they are genetically part of me, they are still alive in many ways...that is what keeps me going 

xoxo